2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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