Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
