I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
