so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
