As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
