i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
