ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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