I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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