At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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