It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
