i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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