my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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