im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
