I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
