I am puke
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
