Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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