She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
