Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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