yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
