God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
