How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
