They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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