it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
