cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
