eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
