I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
