I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
