It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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