I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
