honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
