So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
