I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
