What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
