Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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