i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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