How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
