maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
