RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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