and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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