im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
