i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
