My first STD was from a foam party
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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