I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
