my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
