dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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