Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
