My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
