Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
