One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
