The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
