End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
