You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
