Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
